there's a feeling i get when i realize that something i'm doing has the potential to go wrong, depending only on my own skill and fate, a sort of stomach dropping scalp crawling feeling, which can be anywhere from terrifying to exciting depending on how i choose to interpret it
i think about this as the feeling of operating closer to the bare metal of reality, and it's so tempting and easy to avoid it as long as i have any resources at all, but it feels healthy for me to cultivate an appetite for it instead