来自 向阳乔木（@vista8）的推文线程

Jeff Dean 的傳奇笑話梗，很多我也看不懂，可能是程式設計師才懂的幽默 Jeff Dean proved that P=NP when he solved all NP problems in polynomial time on a whiteboard. 傑夫·迪安在白板上用多項式時間解決了所有NP 問題，證明了P=NP。 Jeff Dean's PIN is the last 4 digits of pi. 傑夫·迪安的PIN 是π的最後四位數。 When Jeff gives a seminar at Stanford, it's so crowded Don Knuth has to sit on the floor. (TRUE) 當傑夫在史丹佛大學做講座時，場面如此擁擠，以至於唐納德·克努特不得不坐在地上。 （真） Jeff Dean once bit a spider, the spider got super powers and C++ readability. 傑夫·迪恩曾經咬過一隻蜘蛛，蜘蛛獲得了超能力和C++的可讀性。 Once, in early 2002, when the index servers went down, Jeff Dean answered user queries manually for two hours. Evals showed a quality improvement of 5 points. 2002 年初，當索引伺服器宕機時，傑夫迪恩手動回答用戶查詢了兩個小時。評估顯示品質提升了5 分。 Jeff Dean got promoted to level 11 in a system where max level is 10. (TRUE) 傑夫·迪恩在一個最高級別為10 的系統中晉升到了11 級。 （真） Google Search was Jeff Dean's Noogler Project. 谷歌搜尋是傑夫·迪恩的Noogler 計畫。 Jeff Dean has punch card readability. Jeff Dean 具有打卡式的可讀性。 Jeff Dean puts his pants on one leg at a time, but if he had more than two legs, you would see that his approach is actually O(log n). Jeff Dean 是一次一條腿地穿褲子，但如果他有超過兩條腿，你會看到他的方法實際上是O(log n)。 Jeff Dean acquired Sawzall readability after writing 58 lines of Sawzall code. As part of his readability review, he pointed out a flaw in the style guide which was promptly corrected by the reviewer. Jeff Dean 在編寫了58 行Sawzall 程式碼後獲得了Sawzall 可讀性。作為他可讀性審查的一部分，他指出風格指南中的一個缺陷，該缺陷被審查者迅速糾正。 Sanjay once asked Jeff Dean if he could keep the entire web in his memory. Due to the noise from his keyboard cooling fan, Jeff Dean misheard slightly and wrote Mustang instead of simply answering "Yes". Sanjay 曾經問Jeff Dean 是否能將整個網路都記在他的記憶中。由於鍵盤冷卻風扇的噪音，Jeff Dean 稍微聽錯了，寫下了Mustang 而不是簡單地回答"是"。 Jeff Dean compiles and runs his code before submitting, but only to check for compiler and CPU bugs. Jeff Dean 在提交前編譯和執行他的程式碼，但只是為了檢查編譯器和CPU 錯誤。 Unsatisfied with constant time, Jeff Dean created the world's first O(1/n) algorithm. 對常數時間不滿意，Jeff Dean 創建了世界上第一個O(1/n) 演算法。 Jeff Dean has binary readability. Jeff Dean 有二進位可讀性。 Jeff Dean has binary writability. Jeff Dean 有二進位可寫性。 When Jeff Dean goes on vacation, production services across Google mysteriously stop working within a few days. This is actually true. 當傑夫·迪恩去度假時，谷歌的各個生產服務會在幾天內神秘地停止工作。這其實是真的。 Jeff Dean once shifted a bit so hard it ended up on another computer. 傑夫·迪恩曾經移動得有點厲害，結果ended up on 另一台電腦上。 During his own Google interview, Jeff Dean was asked the implications if P=NP were true. He said "P = 0 or N = 1." Then, before the interviewer had even finished laughing, Jeff examined Google's public certificate and . 在他自己的谷歌面試中，傑夫·迪恩被問到如果P=NP 為真會有什麼影響。他說"P = 0 或N = 1。" 然後，在面試官還沒笑完之前，傑夫檢查了谷歌的公共證書，並在白板上寫下了私鑰。 You use 10% of your brain. The other 90% is running one of Jeff's mapreduce jobs. 你只使用了你大腦的10%。剩下的90% 正在執行傑夫的一個mapreduce 任務。 Jeff Dean's resume lists the things he hasn't done; it's shorter that way. 傑夫·迪恩的簡歷列出了他沒做過的事情；這樣寫更簡潔。 To Jeff Dean, "NP" means "No Problemo". 對傑夫·迪恩來說，"NP"意味著"沒問題"。 Jeff Dean wrote an O(n^2) algorithm once. It was for the Traveling Salesman Problem. 傑夫·迪恩曾經寫過一個O(n²) 演算法。它是用於旅行商問題的。 You don't explain your work to Jeff Dean. Jeff Dean explains your work to you. 你不需要向傑夫·迪恩解釋你的工作。是傑夫·迪恩向你解釋他的工作。 Jeff Dean's resume has so many accomplishments, it has a table of contents. 傑夫·迪恩的履歷成就如此之多，甚至有目錄。 Jeff Dean was forced to invent asynchronous APIs one day when he optimized a function so that it returned before it was invoked. 有一天，傑夫·迪恩被迫發明了非同步API，因為他優化了一個函數，使其在被呼叫之前就返回了。 The rate at which Jeff Dean produces code jumped by a factor of 40 in late 2000 when he upgraded his keyboard to USB2.0. 2000 年末，當傑夫·迪恩將鍵盤升級到USB2.0 時，他編寫程式碼的速率提高了40 倍。 When Jeff Dean designs software, he first codes the binary and then writes the source as documentation. 當傑夫·迪恩設計軟體時，他會先編寫二進位程式碼，然後將原始程式碼作為文件來編寫。 Jeff Dean's Peer Review is what got Larry promoted to CEO. 傑夫·迪恩的同行評審促成了拉里晉升為CEO。 When God said: "Let there be light!", Jeff Dean was there to do the code review. 當上帝說："讓光存在吧！"時，傑夫·迪恩正在做代碼評審。 When Graham Bell invented the telephone, he saw a missed call from Jeff Dean. 當格雷厄姆·貝爾發明電話時，他收到了來自傑夫·迪恩的一個未接來電。 Compilers don't warn Jeff Dean. Jeff Dean warns compilers. 編譯器不會警告傑夫迪恩。傑夫·迪恩會警告編譯器。 Jeff Dean doesn't exist, he's actually an advanced AI created by Jeff Dean. 傑夫·迪恩不存在，他實際上是傑夫·迪恩創造的高級人工智慧。 Jeff Dean's IDE doesn't do code analysis, it does code appreciation. 傑夫·迪恩的IDE 不做代碼分析，它做代碼欣賞。 Jeff Dean doesn't use ECC memory. He anticipates cosmic rays and uses them to improve performance. 傑夫·迪恩不用ECC 內存。他預見到宇宙射線，並利用它們來提升性能。 Jeff Dean once failed a Turing test when he correctly identified the 203rd Fibonacci number in less than a second. 傑夫·迪恩曾經在一次圖靈測試中失敗，因為他不到一秒鐘就正確識別出了第203 個斐波那契數。 Jeff Dean invented Bigtable so that he would have a place to send his weekly snippets. 傑夫·迪恩發明了Bigtable，以便他有一個地方可以發送他的每週片段。 On the zeroth day, Jeff Dean created God. 在零日，傑夫·迪恩創造了上帝。 Jeff Dean once implemented a web server in a single printf() call. Other engineers added thousands of lines of explanatory comments but still don't understand exactly how it works. Today that program is Webnown asstand exactly how it works. Today that program is Webnown as program 傑夫·迪恩曾經在一個printf() 呼叫中實作了一個Web 伺服器。其他工程師添加了數千行解釋性註釋，但仍然不完全理解它的工作原理。今天那個程式被稱為Google Web Server。 When Jeff has an ergonomic evaluation, it is for the protection of his keyboard. 當傑夫進行人體工學評估時，是為了保護他的鍵盤。 Jeff Dean can beat you at connect four. In three moves. Jeff Dean 可以在四子棋中贏過你。在三步之內。 Jeff Dean invented BigTable because his resume was too big to fit anywhere else. Jeff Dean 發明了BigTable，因為他的履歷太大，放不下任何地方。 Jeff Dean took the bite out of Apple's logo. Jeff Dean 咬掉了Apple 標誌的一角。 Chuck Norris can kill you. Jeff Dean can kill -9 you. Chuck Norris 可以殺了你。 Jeff Dean 可以kill -9 你。 Jeff Dean can parse HTML with a regular expression...correctly. Jeff Dean 可以用正規表示式解析HTML...並且正確地解析。 When Jeff has trouble sleeping, he MapReduces sheep. 當Jeff 失眠時，他會MapReduces 羊。 When Jeff Dean fires up the profiler, loops unroll themselves in fear. 當Jeff Dean 啟動分析器時，循環會因恐懼而展開。 When your code has undefined behavior, you get a seg fault and corrupted data. When Jeff Dean's code has undefined behavior, a unicorn rides in on a rainbow and gives everybody free ice cream. 當你的程式碼有未定義行為時，你會遇到段錯誤和損壞的資料。當Jeff Dean 的程式碼有未定義行為時，一隻獨角獸會騎著彩虹而來，給每個人分發免費的冰淇淋。 Jeff doesn't sleep, he just sends SIGSUSPEND to the universe. Jeff 不睡覺，他只是向宇宙發送SIGSUSPEND 訊號。 Jeff got Java readability with only 8 lines of code. Jeff 用僅8 行程式碼就實現了Java 的可讀性。 Jeff Dean can instantiate abstract classes. Jeff Dean 可以實例化抽象類別。 gcc -O4 sends your code to Jeff Dean for a complete rewrite. gcc -O4 將你的程式碼傳送給Jeff Dean 進行徹底重寫。 Jeff can recite 20,000 digits of pi in 5 hours. He doesn't remember them; he just recomputes them on the fly using only O(log n) space. 傑夫能在5 小時內背誦圓周率的20,000 位數字。他並不記住它們；他只是在實時中僅使用O(log n) 空間重新計算它們。 Jeff Dean remembers only one password. For each site, he concatenates it with the site name, computes its SHA-256 hash, and then types the result. 傑夫只記得一個密碼。對於每個網站，他將密碼與網站名稱連接起來，計算其SHA-256 雜湊值，然後輸入結果。 Jeff Dean 是 still waiting for mathematicians to discover the joke he hid in the digits of pi. 傑夫·迪恩仍在等待數學家發現他藏在圓周率數字中的笑話。 There is no Ctrl key on Jeff Dean's keyboard. Jeff Dean is always in control. Jeff Dean 的鍵盤上沒有Ctrl 鍵。 Jeff Dean 總是掌控一切。 Jeff Dean was born on December 31, 1969 at 11:48 PM. It took him twelve minutes to implement his first time counter. 傑夫·迪恩於1969 年12 月31 日晚上11:48 出生。他花了十二分鐘來實現他的第一個計時器。 When Jeff Dean says "Hello World", the world says "Hello Jeff". 當Jeff Dean 說"Hello World" 時，世界回應"Hello Jeff"。 Jeff Dean can get 1s out of /dev/zero. Jeff Dean 能從/dev/zero 中獲得1s。 Jeff Dean simply walks into Mordor. Jeff Dean 輕易走進魔多。 Jeff Dean spent some 20% time on an AI project. That produced Urs Hoelzle. Jeff Dean 在一個AI 專案上花了大約20% 的時間。這造就了Urs Hoelzle。 Google once had to move out of a datacenter after Jeff Dean accidentally compressed the index so densely that a black hole was formed. Google 曾經不得不搬出資料中心，因為Jeff Dean 碰巧將索引壓縮得太密集，以至於形成了一個黑洞。 Jeff starts his programming sessions with cat > /dev/mem. Jeff 開始他的程式設計會話時使用cat > /dev/mem。 The speed of light in a vacuum used to be about 35 mph. Then Jeff Dean spent a weekend optimizing physics. 光在真空中的速度曾經大約是35 英里每小時。然後Jeff Dean 花了一個週末優化物理。 When Jeff Dean sends you a code review, it's because he thinks there's something in it you should learn. 當Jeff Dean 給你進行程式碼審查時，是因為他認為裡面有你應該學習的東西。 Jeff Dean does not sleep(), he wait()s. Jeff Dean 不sleep()，他wait()s。 Jeff Dean invented MapReduce so he could sort his fan mail. Jeff Dean 發明了MapReduce，這樣他就能整理他的粉絲郵件。 Once Jeff Dean ordered a list, and the list obeyed him. 曾經有一次，Jeff Dean 下達了一個列表，列表就服從了他的命令。 Chuck Norris is Jeff Dean's 20% project. Chuck Norris 是Jeff Dean 的20% 專案。 When your code is killed by SIGJEFF, it never runs again. 當你的程式碼被SIGJEFF 殺死時，它就再也跑不起來了。 Jeff Dean's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Jeff Dean. Jeff Dean 的日曆直接從3 月31 日跳到4 月2 日；沒有人能欺騙Jeff Dean。 Jeff Dean never has the wrong number; you have the wrong phone. Jeff Dean 從來不會有錯誤的號碼；你才是那個有錯誤的電話。 Jeff Dean has exactly two keys on his keyboard: 0 and 1. Jeff Dean 的鍵盤上只有兩個按鍵：0 和1。 Errors treat Jeff Dean as a warning. 錯誤將Jeff Dean 視為警告。 Cricket matches used to take 5 days, until Jeff optimized them. 板球比賽曾經需要5 天，直到Jeff 優化了它們。 Jeff Dean's watch displays seconds since January 1st, 1970. He is never late. Jeff Dean 的手錶顯示自1970 年1 月1 日以來的秒數。他從不遲到。 Jeff's code is so fast the assembly code needs three HALT opcodes to stop it. 傑夫的程式碼非常快，需要三個HALT 指令碼才能停止它。 Emacs' preferred editor is Jeff Dean. Emacs 的首選編輯器是Jeff Dean。 Google: it's basically a Jeff Dean's side project. Google：基本上就是一個Jeff Dean 的副業專案。 Jeff Dean has to unoptimize his code so that reviewers believe it was written by a human. Jeff Dean 不得不讓他的程式碼看起來不那麼優化，以便審查者相信它是人類編寫的。 Websearch is just a large unittest Jeff wrote for his real app. 網路搜尋只是Jeff 為他的真實應用程式編寫的大型單元測試。 Jeff Dean doesn't need speakers or headphones. He just types cat *.mp3, glances at the screen, and his brain decodes the music in the background while he works. Jeff Dean 不需要音箱或耳機。他只需輸入cat *.mp3，瞥一眼螢幕，然後在工作時，他的大腦就能解碼背景音樂。 Jeff Dean has Perl Readability. (TRUE) Jeff Dean 擁有Perl 可讀性。 （真） Jeff Dean quicksorts his laundry. Jeff Dean 用快速排序法來洗衣服。 The OR ELSE construct had to be removed from ISO C after Jeff Dean used it in Mustang and kernels started panicking in terror. 在Jeff Dean 在Mustang 中使用OR ELSE 結構後，結構必須從ISO C 中移除，因為核心開始恐慌崩潰。 Jeff Dean is not afraid of evil constructors. They are afraid of him. 傑夫·迪恩並不害怕惡意的建構子。是它們害怕他。 Jeff Dean doesn't write bugs, just features you are unable to understand. Jeff Dean 不寫bug，只是你無法理解的功能。 Jeff Dean eschews both Emacs and VI. He types his code into zcat, because it's faster that way. Jeff Dean 都不使用Emacs 和VI。他把程式碼輸入到zcat 中，因為這樣比較快。 When Jeff Dean sends an Ethernet frame, there are no collisions because the competing frames retreat back up into the buffer memory on their source network cards. 當Jeff Dean 發送乙太網路封包時，不會發生衝突，因為競爭的訊框會退回到來源網路卡的緩衝記憶體中。 Jeff once simultaneously reduced all binary sizes by 3% and raised the severity of a previously known low-priority Python bug to critical-priority in a single change that contained no Python code. Jeff 曾經在一次修改中同時將所有二進位檔案大小減少了3%，並將一個先前已知的低優先級Python bug 提升為高優先級，而這次修改中不包含任何Python 程式碼。 One day, Jeff Dean grabbed his Etch-a-Sketch instead of his laptop on his way out the door. On his way back home to get his real laptop, he programmed the Etch-a-Sketch to play Tetris. 有一天，傑夫·迪安出門時拿了他的畫線描板而不是筆記型電腦。在他回家拿真筆記型電腦的路上，他編程讓畫線描板玩俄羅斯方塊。 The x86-64 spec includes several undocumented instructions marked private use. They are actually for Jeff Dean's use. x86-64 規範中包含一些標記為私有的未公開指令。它們實際上是供傑夫·迪安使用的。 Knuth mailed a copy of The Art of Computer Programming to Google. Jeff Dean autographed it and mailed it back. 克努特寄了一本《電腦程式設計藝術》給谷歌。傑夫·迪安在上面簽名後寄了回去。 When he heard that Jeff Dean's autobiography would be exclusive to the platform, Richard Stallman bought a Kindle. 當聽說傑夫迪恩的自傳將獨家在平台上發佈時，理查德·斯托曼購買了一台Kindle。 Jeff Dean can losslessly compress random data. 傑夫·迪恩可以無損壓縮隨機資料。 When asked if the facts about him are true, Jeff Dean responded with "111111". While the interviewer was still tr​​ying to figure out what he meant, he clarified, "every single bit of it isingle true." 當被問及關於他的那些事實是否屬實時，傑夫·迪恩回答說"111111"。而記者還在試圖弄清楚他的意思時，他澄清說"每一個字都是真的"。 Jeff Dean mines bitcoins. In his head. 傑夫·迪恩在腦海裡挖比特幣。